My husband and I received our new state-of-the-art parenting helmets this week. Deemed the iParent (they’re an Apple product, so they sync with our iTunes accounts, obviously), this technological wonder looks like a basic motorcycle helmet, but has the ability to completely alter the way in which one views the world.
Let me begin by saying never have I had such unhindered insight into the way a fourteen-(and a half)-year-old-boy (who wants to date my daughter) views the world. The sound and graphics on our new iParents were so clear that at times I had lower the brightness and volume just to keep from developing a headache and nausea! The helmet’s translation feature performed flawlessly and we were able to pick up the dangerous subtext in virtually every conversation, as well as the actual meaning of various rap lyrics (the iParent heavily relies upon the Urban Dictionary for this feature). I must say, I don’t think I will ever be able see youth culture in quite the same way as I did before my iParent arrived, but I’m also not sure I’d want to go back to my previous blissful ignorance.
While the iParent set me back a hefty $299 and has definitely contributed to my feeling much older than my years (you must trade in your Cool Parent card in order to purchase), it has also greatly enhanced my prayer life, providing a safe space to pray continuously for wisdom and discernment, while muffling my frequent groans and disguising my eye-rolls during conversations with my child’s suitor. I can’t wait until next May when the air-conditioned iParent 2.0 is released! It will be available in a wider variety of colors and prints harkening back to the bold styles of the 80’s and 90’s, such as the neon-hued model “Papa DO Preach,” which will support the content of a double date.